What I leave behind

     I just came back from the March of Dimes.  The weather was beautiful and we had a great turnout.  People from all over came to walk for this great cause.  As I walked with my friends I thought about how lucky I am.  I never lost a child, my son was born perfect.  I am lucky and blessed to have such a healthy, smart, beautiful little boy.  Then I thought about all the women who were walking because they lost their babies and I felt a wave of emotions come over me.  How strong these women have to be to be able to walk.  Loosing a child is probably the most difficult and heart breaking things I can imagine could ever happen and these women were walking on, smiling, being strong despite their loss, their sadness, their grief and emptiness in their hearts.

        And so I decided to change a few things.  I realize that I complain too much. We all do at some point.  These women could do nothing but complain yet, they walked on, talked, laughed and stayed positive. 

        I decided to leave behind the complaining, the whining, the constant feeling of discontent that I carry whenever something goes wrong.  I leave behind the annoyance with little things.  I leave behind negativity.  I leave behind excuses I make up for things I don't want to do.  These women have to wake up every day whether they feel like it or not.  They have the strength to face the world. I should too! I have nothing to complain about.  I have no worries, no sadness, and no heavy weight on my heart like these women do. 

       It's hard to change oneself and I know that I will have my ups and downs but every time I do, I will think of my dear friend who lost her baby and of all the women who came out today to our March of Dimes and to all the women who will forever carry their Little Angels in their Hearts.

My first March of Dimes Walk

My friend lost her baby at 35 weeks back in November.  We are walking in the March of Dimes today. I will post more later.

Too busy for the important things in life

            As you know,  I have a full time job, a toddler and a house to keep.  Yes, there's a husband but honestly...how many of us just let our husbands do everything in the house?  Correction.. how many of us are lucky enough to have husbands who do it all?  In my case, my husband is very, very helpful yet sometimes, it's as though he doesn't notice that things need doing.  While I am in a state of anxiety b/c 29 things still need doing, he's kind of just sitting there telling me that we'll do it tomorrow. I guess men just think differently.  If it needs to be done, it'll wait till tomorrow.  And while I often get annoyed with my husband for thinking that way and being so laid back, when I think about it, I wish I was a laid back person sometimes.

            It made me think about how often I forget to pay attention to my surroundings.  Just the other day, I went outside to clean up the yard and noticed how nicely my flowers bloomed. I planted them so I guess I was excited about them at some point. Then, I guess I got busy and forgot about them.  Flowers are a sign of spring, nature, beauty, yet, I'm so busy all I think about is cleaning up the yard rather than enjoying the beauty of it all.

            It made me think of how often I brush off my son because I have the house to clean, dinner to cook, laundry to do and fold.  I would give myself a bad mother award for that.  My little one is as adorable as they come and I miss him terribly during the day when I'm away from him. Why do I pay him so little attention sometimes? Why do I get annoyed when he won't go to bed because that is the only time I can catch up on stuff.  My husband yells at me and tells me to relax. That only makes me more anxious.

            It mad eme think of my parents who are there for me all the time. After all, my mom stays with my son all week long while we work.  I hardly talk to her. It's never been like this. I drop him off in the morning, then pick him up and go home because he needs a nap. Sometimes my husband picks him up so I just call her on the way home. On weekends we see each other but it's rushed because we're both busy catching up from the week.

             I feel terrible.  I've been feeling terrible about it.  About everything.  I feel like everything is just passing me by and I just keep on working, working, working.  That's not the way to do things.  I'm in a rut. 

             What's also sad is that I hardly have time for anything.  I've been meaning to do more things for me but by the time all else gets done there's little time for me.  I don't have time to go to the gym because I feel guilty that I am not doing something at home.  Is it me or do others have the same issues?  Do other households run smoother and I'm just incapable of managing my life and my family? I want the best for me, for my son, my husband, my family.  I want to spend more time with them because they are the most precious people in my life.  I want to be able to enjoy the simple things in life without being stressed about it all.

               I guess I have to try to manage my time better and not sweat the small stuff but enjoy them!

Wordless Wednesday

Organizing Made Fun

             I am forever looking for stuff.  My house, while it's not dirty, gets messy very easily.  I was looking online for ideas for organizing as well as motivation.  I wanted to find printables and chore charts.  I found many great websites and blogs but this one I absolutely love. Organizing Made Fun is a blog on which Becky gives ideas for organizing your home, has free printables, challenges to complete and other great ideas for your home. What I really like is that she has a tour of her own house which is beautiful and very well organized.  Please click on Organizing Made Fun to check it out. I promise you, you will be there for hours because there's so much wonderful, helpful information!

Can't do it

       I need help. I can't do this.

       I can't say nothing is working because I haven't tried everything.  I can't loose weight. I've tracked my food, which, if you ask me, is just ridiculous.  Writing down everything I eat makes me anxious and paranoid that it's too much, too little, wrong foods, bla bla bla. I count calories but then I'm starving anyway. 

       I need to exercise but my arthritis makes it horrible and I just want to sit on my couch. Yes, I know, the more I move the better it will be. Except it still hurts.  I'm on Aleve daily.  

      I think I'm getting impatient with the fact that the weight is coming off so damn slowly it's almost nonexistent.   At this rate, I'll be 90 and skinny.  I don't think I'll care much about weight then.  

I need help. I need someone to kick my butt straight into a gym.  

Overwhelmed

         Aaah, it's Sunday.  Except in my house it's a disaster zone.  I was gone for the whole day yesterday, leaving my husband with my 2 year old.  Everything went fine.  It's not like the Clorox commercials when the mom walks through the door and there is a mess on the counter, floor and all..... But that's exactly it. I was gone all day yesterday and nothing got done.  My weekends are  devoted to cleaning, cleaning up, reorganizing, laundry, and then paperwork for work on Sunday.    

        Well, by the time I came home yesterday, it was already 9 pm and I was too beat to do anything. This morning when the little one woke up he wouldn't leave my side.  That's what I get for being away from him all day.  He finally went down for a nap and I sprung into action. 

        Oh, I can't stand being behind.  There's laundry, shopping, cleaning.. aahhhhh... not to mention that I have to run out to get baby shower gifts and b-day gifts.  Feeling overwhelmed right now... and yeah, since he's sleeping and I'm pretty much done on the bottom half of the house I decided to blog. I guess I could go clean the basement...

Yep, that's what I'll do. See you all later!

Wordless Wednesday

Very sucky Friday the 13th

      There's got to be something to it. Friday the 13th. I usually don't believe in this stuff and it's probably a coincidence but I had a very sucky day yesterday.

       

      I went out to the store (this time without my son) and who do I run into? My bully from middle school. How often does that happen? As I walked past him, I saw that he had a look on his face of: where do I know her from?  I really wanted to say something but I didn't know what to say plus he had his daughter with him so whatever I was going to say was going to be inappropriate in front of the 3 or 4 year old.  I just kept on walking.  Oh I wish I could see him again somewhere... I'd tell him that I am successful, that I am not stupid or any of the stuff he used to call me.  I'd tell him he is a jerk and ask him to wonder what it would be like if someone was hitting his daughter with a tennis racket over the head and calling her mute just b/c she won't talk to you.  Alright, I realize that as a 30 year old I should let go of that stuff and I do.  It's just that I know that jerks like him still exist.  Kids in school bully each other beyond belief and most times the victims won't say anything.  I see it every day.  Anyway, that was that. 

      

     So as I was saying, I went shopping. Shopping for pants. I don't know about you but the mere idea of "shopping for pants" makes me want to vomit.   I hate it. I hate shopping. I'd probably like it if I were a size 2 and could put anything on and look great.  Nope, not me. I'm nowhere size 2 and probably never will be.  It sucks that the only pants I can buy cost way more than I want to spend, and it sucks that the sales racks have everything up to size 12 but nothing above.  It sucks that when I DO find a pair of pants in my butt size, they are too long or the are the perfect length but don't fit my big self.  Oh, and let me tell you how I feel about the mirrors at Macy's.  They suck big time too!.... Aren't store mirrors supposed to LIE TO YOU to make you buy their stuff? I stood there in the dressing room like a jacka** in pants that wouldn't button with the pant leg long enough for me to trip over and cried.  Not because of the pants but b/c I allowed myself to get to what I am now.  Sure, there was a marriage and a baby somewhere along the way so yeah, the 10 lbs "everyone gains" when they get married?  Yeah, I probably stole about 40 from other brides and gave it to myself... YOU'RE WELCOME skinny b****es. The weight gain when people say eat for two? Yeah, I ate for four.  I was pissed off b/c I know better.  I know that eating once a day is probably not the greatest idea and that I should probably get my fat butt to the gym.

      

       Moving on to another store in search of pants:  as I'm browsing... I see a cart with two kids: a girl who's probably no more than 5 and little guy with the bluest eyes and blond hair no more that a year and a half... What I didn't see was their mother.  Oh no. She, as it turns out, was half way down the store looking at shoes... Really, lady?  Oh I wanted to call the cops on her so badly... She eventually came back and they left... Maybe I'm overreacting here but who the hell leaves two kids by themselves in the middle of the store?????

     

Ok, I'm done... Thanks for listening. I'm sorry if I sound a bit harsh in this post.

Shopping with toddlers.

             Ok, so my 22 month old is not exactly a baby but gosh, do I wish sometimes that he was, especially when shopping.I could stick him in his stroller and there would be no way for him to get out, you know, since babies don't walk, or walk off, in this case....
              I went for shopping with my Mom today, just a quickie... We were trying on shoes at Marshalls... The next thing I know, my child is missing. He was standing right next to me, I put my head down to squeeze a sneaker on my foot and he's gone.  I know he couldn't have gone far but I freaked out nonetheless.  I looked through the aisles as did my Mom.  As you can imagine, we were freaking out completely.

              Long story short, my son stuck himself inbetween shoe racks where additional boxes of shoes go.  He found it quite amusing and was completely comfortable and not in the least scared that oh, "Maybe Mom is looking for me"... Nope, he was saying Hi to the nice lady that was standing by him. 

              For those who are already judging me for being 'that mother' who lets her child get lost.  The stupid rack was right next to the little seat I was sitting on.  It's just that the rack for boxes was the last place we would both look for a child.  He felt it was ok b/c Mommy was right there... Ugh..... love the kid to death.

              I took pictures but since I promised my husband that I would not post family pics on my blog I can't post the silliness. Just imagine a little boy standing up, waving to people in the store under a shoe stand, in the shoe rack, among boxes and boxes of shoes.... 

Gotta love motherhood!

I'm not perfect.

Reasons (Excuses) not to fold laundry

 

I don't know about you but I do not look forward to folding laundry. Hence, here's my list of WHY I SHOULD NOT!

1.  Takes too much time.
2.  Not dry enough therefore must be left to dry.
3.  How the heck do you fold this?
4.  No one else in the house is doing it.
5.  Who has time to put this stuff away?
6.  You could loose a phone in the clothes basket.
7.  You create the 'fold over' wrinkles and creases.
8.  Why fold it when you'll have to unfold it and wear it tomorrow.
9.  Too much stuff in the closet already.
10.  What's wrong with keeping clean clothes in a clothes basket?
 

 I can't think of any more right now. Feel free to add to the list! I will post them

My very first Wordless Wednesday

Stress Less

I'll get straight to the point:  Many of us are stressed.  Our daily lives are overburdened with activities, chores, to do lists, appointments, projects undone... the list could go on.  It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that eventually, most of us, will feel frustrated, defeated, with a feeling of no control of your life.  Some of you may even compare yourself to a friend, a neighbor next door who seems like he/she has it all under control and what's worse, it seems like it all happens for them so effortlessly.  

When you're stressed, everything seems to be worse than it really is. Your house seems messier, your To Do list longer and in general your life seems like it's going 120mph and you can't stop. 

We've all had moments when we just want to drop everything and cry. 

Here's a few ways to destress that might work:

1. Get out and walk - whether it's in the gym or outside in your neighborhood or park.  Oh and for those of you who are already saying "I don't have time", you HAVE to make time.  You don't have to put on your best work out clothes. Put your shoes on and get outside. The fresh air, and sun, the exercise will lift your spirit. It's even better if you can walk with a friend.
2. Go to sleep - if you're tired and still trying to get stuff done around the house, you're probably dragging and your progress is next to zero. Go to sleep, be rested for tomorrow's tasks and try again.  What's the worst that could happen? Ummm, nothing.
3. Count to 10 - or 10 to 0.... either way, you're taking your mind off whatever is worrying you.
4. Call a friend - whether it's to take your mind off your stress and worry, or to actually vent about what's worrying you. Again, you'll take your mind off your problems and maybe your friend will put a new spin on what's on your mind.
5. Do your best - who is to say that your house must be spotless.  If you are not tripping over your garbage and your bathroom doesn't smell like old, musty, "mildewy" towels, you're probably not as bad as you think you are.  Take 15 minutes to declutter and do the rest tomorrow. Oh and get others involved.  They live there too!!!!
6. Set small goals - if your daily To Do list has 20 things on it, it's probably unrealistic.  Set 3 goals on your daily agenda and stick to it.  Get the top three things done first and the rest is optional.  
7. Stop with the caffeine! - you know you've had to much when your body feels like it's on spin cycle and you can't stop shaking or feeling like you're about to get sick.  Caffeine is good, in moderation.  If you think coffee is going to help you get things done think again. 
8. Read a book - you know that book you've been meaning to read for the past 6 months. Let this be your way to destress. Read a few pages a day.  It won't take long but you'll relax, the book might lift your mood and it's a way to take a break from constant running around. 
9. Just say NO - Do not take on more than you can handle. Learn to say No when people are constantly asking you for help, involvement in projects or even asking you to go to a party you know you can't squeeze into your already busy schedule.  When you say No nicely, people will understand. 
10. Family first - spend time with your family. How many of you feel guilty for not spending time with your loved ones? Chances are some of that guilt has some 'reallness' to it.  We are so busy doing everything for everyone else, job, friend, house, that we forget that the most important people are the ones we ignore.  I know we don't do it on purpose but we need to be mindful of how we come across to them.  Drop everything and go outside with your children, sit down and talk with your spouse, call your parents, siblings, send and email.  Find out how they are doing. 
11. Find help - seriously.  If you feel like stress is controlling your life, it may be time to seek help. You might want to call a professional who can help you with the stress or someone to help you sort out some things that are triggers to your stress.

Baking - ideas?

Hi all,

i"m sure that most of you are getting ready for Easter. What are you all baking? I am making biscotti, tiramisu (for the first time) and a bunch of sides to take to my Mom's house.  

I need some good recipes for tomorrow and I know that there are websites and all but I want something tried and loved.  

Let me know what you are planning to make :-)

Happy Baking!

Easter is around the corner

Hi all,

     I feel terrible because I have not been writing. In fact, I lost two followers who probably stopped following me because there was nothing to follow. I don't blame them. I blame myself.  I can't say I haven't been on the computer because that would be a lie, but I just can't sit here long enough to gather up my thoughts and put down something that would make sense and be worth your time reading. I'm sorry.

     My job has me going crazy. Don't get me wrong, I love my job and enjoy it. I just don't enjoy the stress that comes with it, the feeling of paranoia that I am constantly doing something wrong and I might just get in trouble. My coworkers and I often say, just let me do my job and stop bombarding us with paperwork and over the top requests. Oh well. At least I have a job. I should not be complaining. I'm just saying this because it's a bit of an excuse and a valid one at that.

     Other than that, now that the weather is nicer, my husband and I have been going outside a bit more to clean up the yard. My husband, bless his heart, puts up with all my requests and assists me in whatever I want done and doesn't complain. It's just that with a two year old, it's extremely difficult to stay on task for more than 10 minutes before he starts calling for your attention.  I swear, the child has such a piercing scream that I am afraid that the neighbors will call the cops.  It's probably worth mentioning, that in our neighborhood, we are surrounded by cop neighbors, thank goodness. They know us and won't report us. Aaahhhh.

    Anyway, today is already Thursday.  Where did the time go? It was just the beginning of Lent and here we are - Easter! Seriously, where does the time go?

I didn't even take my son for Easter pictures... but then again, I didn't take him for pictures with Santa. I hope that when he is older he doesn't look back on his childhood and accuses me of bad parenthood. I feel bad for him but frankly, I have little time, my husband won't even think about it, and when I CAN take him, it's his nap time and I wouldn't dare wake him up from that or deny him his nap. The child needs his nap.

    Easter in our house is quite an event. My parents cook and get everything ready. I used to help them with all that. My sister is older so she and her family usually used to come by later. Now that I'm married and have my own family, I get stuff ready in my house and bring it all to my parents.  It works out for us that way. 

    I love the Holidays: Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter.. you name it.  The only part I cannot stand is the traveling between families because they all want to see us. Why can't we just stay at my parents house and take care of everyone else later? Uuuggghhhhhh!

Anyway, I want to wish everyone a Happy Easter.