I bet you know what this post is going to be about. Every year, people make resolutions. After all, it's the New Year. We survived "The End of the World" (thanks Mayans for scaring the hell of out some of us).
So what will I do differently? Aside from the usual eat better, exercise more, spend less time on the computer, there's a few other things I'd like to change.
The past year has been quite eventful, both the good and the bad. Based on the experiences of last year here are a few things I'd like to do differently, improve on and become better at.
I would like to spend more time with my family. I don't do that. I am busy with my job, my house and anything that revolves around my husband and child. What I mean is that I would like to spend more time with my extended family. We are not perfect and I get anxious at any family gatherings but I'd still like to spend time with them. They won't be around forever. My mom always complains that she doesn't get to see me that much, she only gets to talk to me on the phone on the way to and from my job. That's not ok. I will try to find time to stop by more often.
I'd also like to spend more time with friends. I am, by nature, an introvert. I love my friends, don't get me wrong. However, sometimes I find get togethers to be exhausting. From getting ready for them to sitting through them. I usually rely on other people to carry on the conversation while I sit there and contribute or just listen. Sound weird? That's probably because I am. My mother tells me all the time I need to get out more and I agree. It's just the process of it that kills me. I would much rather spend time at home with my husband and son than to go out. I have friends who want to come over and that's fine but I prefer solitude.
One of the saddest things this year that happened to me is that I miscarried. I'm sorry if this is upsetting to anyone reading this. It happened over Christmas so it was especially difficult on me. I never told my parents, for various reasons. I think that was a smart decision on my part. I beat myself up for it although I know that women are always told that it's not their fault. I wonder though, could I have done anything to save this baby? I am sad and mad at myself . I am a lot of emotions right now but this post is not about that. However, as with anything else, I realized some things. I realized that life is precious. We hear that a lot, don't we? It's cliche. Not until I lost the baby did I finally realize just how precious life is. I know how common miscarriage is (no, I am not making light of it, trust me!). I just never thought it would be me. We were so lucky with out first. We even joked about how good we are at creating a perfect baby. We don't joke anymore. I can't bring myself to smile. I cling to my 2.5 year old more than before and thank GOD for making him so perfect. I thank GOD for giving me at least one. I don't know when and if we will try for another baby. Not any time soon, anyway.
I learned that my son takes priority over anything else that may be going on my life. I have become more patient with him, appreciating his creativity even when he causes trouble or makes a mess. I let him be a child and by doing so I hope he stays a child for as long as possible. I don't want him to grow up too early and face the world. I want him to hold on to his innocence for as long as I can help it.
I know it will be hard to change. I know that any change has to happen in small steps. I have 12 months. No, I have a lifetime. The sooner I start, the better.
What are your New Year's Resolutions?