I went out to the store (this time without my son) and who do I run into? My bully from middle school. How often does that happen? As I walked past him, I saw that he had a look on his face of: where do I know her from? I really wanted to say something but I didn't know what to say plus he had his daughter with him so whatever I was going to say was going to be inappropriate in front of the 3 or 4 year old. I just kept on walking. Oh I wish I could see him again somewhere... I'd tell him that I am successful, that I am not stupid or any of the stuff he used to call me. I'd tell him he is a jerk and ask him to wonder what it would be like if someone was hitting his daughter with a tennis racket over the head and calling her mute just b/c she won't talk to you. Alright, I realize that as a 30 year old I should let go of that stuff and I do. It's just that I know that jerks like him still exist. Kids in school bully each other beyond belief and most times the victims won't say anything. I see it every day. Anyway, that was that.
So as I was saying, I went shopping. Shopping for pants. I don't know about you but the mere idea of "shopping for pants" makes me want to vomit. I hate it. I hate shopping. I'd probably like it if I were a size 2 and could put anything on and look great. Nope, not me. I'm nowhere size 2 and probably never will be. It sucks that the only pants I can buy cost way more than I want to spend, and it sucks that the sales racks have everything up to size 12 but nothing above. It sucks that when I DO find a pair of pants in my butt size, they are too long or the are the perfect length but don't fit my big self. Oh, and let me tell you how I feel about the mirrors at Macy's. They suck big time too!.... Aren't store mirrors supposed to LIE TO YOU to make you buy their stuff? I stood there in the dressing room like a jacka** in pants that wouldn't button with the pant leg long enough for me to trip over and cried. Not because of the pants but b/c I allowed myself to get to what I am now. Sure, there was a marriage and a baby somewhere along the way so yeah, the 10 lbs "everyone gains" when they get married? Yeah, I probably stole about 40 from other brides and gave it to myself... YOU'RE WELCOME skinny b****es. The weight gain when people say eat for two? Yeah, I ate for four. I was pissed off b/c I know better. I know that eating once a day is probably not the greatest idea and that I should probably get my fat butt to the gym.
Moving on to another store in search of pants: as I'm browsing... I see a cart with two kids: a girl who's probably no more than 5 and little guy with the bluest eyes and blond hair no more that a year and a half... What I didn't see was their mother. Oh no. She, as it turns out, was half way down the store looking at shoes... Really, lady? Oh I wanted to call the cops on her so badly... She eventually came back and they left... Maybe I'm overreacting here but who the hell leaves two kids by themselves in the middle of the store?????
Ok, I'm done... Thanks for listening. I'm sorry if I sound a bit harsh in this post.
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It sounds like seeing that bully from your past really brought back a lot of old feelings. Kids can be so mean with their words, without ever understanding the ripples that they create. I feel sad for HIM, because he was obviously spreading his own unhappiness to others. In the meantime, you can rejoice in the fact that all those experiences contributed to your sensitivity and kindness as a mother.
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